GIGGLE CITY: Kerry Unger
The 40-year-old Edmonton comic is this week’s subject of Giggle City, a series of unrelated questions designed to dig a little deeper into today’s sharpest comic minds.
(Warning: The following contains profanity.)
Q: If you could be any Canadian celebrity, who would you be and why?
A: Neil Young. He embodies everything about this country that I like. He’s cool and independent.
Q: What’s your best heckler story?
A: It was in Fairview, Alberta. I was almost done my show and a big dude came in and went right up the stage and just stood there staring at me. He was a big guy. I said, ‘Can I help you?’ And he said, ‘I’m just waiting for you to say something funny to make me laugh.’ And I said, ‘Well, the show’s almost over and nobody’s laughing anyways, so I think you might be out of luck.’ It’s always a bad gig in Fairview. I said, ‘I can’t make you laugh. It’s impossible. I don’t want to.’ Then he said something rude and walked away. Then I said, ‘You wanna hear something funny? What did the big inbred cocksucker in Fairview say before he went outside to fuck a farm animal?’ Something like that. He spun back on his heel and started coming back to the stage. I swear to God, I had this mic stand in my hand, the kind with the big metal base, and I was like, I have to hit him right in the face. He’s going to kill me. It’s the only chance I have. But then the bouncer came over and steered him into the washroom. And I said, ‘Good night, everybody! I’ve got to get out of here!’
Q: Do you have to be pessimistic about humanity to be an effective comedian?
A: I think the more frustrated you are, the more you have motivation to go on stage and tell the truth as you see it.
Q: What do you do when somebody from the audience tries to tell you a joke?
A: I usually try to stop them, but it’s an occupational hazard. They’re only funny about 5% of the time.
Q: What’s the worst meal you ever had on the road?
A: Fish chowder in Moncton, NB. It was really good, but then immediately afterwards, well, we were at a festival and I had to bail on the soundcheck and walk quickly back to my hotel room and stay there for several hours. I think the chowder might’ve been a little tainted. But Howie Miller’s Pepto Bismol put me back on track. By the show I was feeling more or less OK. I just made sure I didn’t move around on stage too much.
Q: Complete this phrase: A man’s home is …
A: A man’s home is something I have to go shovel as soon as I get off the phone.