HOCKEY: In the Box with Brent & Craig
Five Alive
Third column of the season and the Oilers are still unbeaten and in first place in the NHL. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and his name is actually Connor McDavid. Are the boys from In The Box confident this streak can continue, or are they expecting the eventual regression to the mean? You’ll have to see for yourself in this week’s column – presented by Home & Away.
Craig Douglas
Oilers 6
Ducks 5
The Oil were not able to dominate the lame Ducks in the way that we’d anticipated (I predicted a 5-1 drubbing) but they won in the end and that’s all that anyone will remember. They just didn’t happen to win in the way that anyone had drawn it up, an exciting but sloppy win is still a win though, as the saying goes. A great all around effort with two goals from the first star of the game Zack Kassian, an unexpected relief appearance from Koskinen, a casual four points from Neon Leon, and a routine three points from The King Of Hockey himself. Luckily for all, the injury to Smith is not believed to be serious and it is looking like he could be back between the pipes as soon as Wednesday’s game vs the Flyers, add to that the fact that Koskinen looked good in relief (especially compared to the way Smith was performing that evening before he went down with a lower body injury) and then looked pretty solid in his ensuing starts against Arizona (not a real team) and Vegas (unfortunately a real team). This game was tense and a hell of a lot of fun to watch, especially since the damned refs finally seem to be giving the Oilers a power play every once in a while these days. Speaking of that killer power play, it did not disappoint, even though they only went 2 for 6.
Brent Oliver
I was misled into thinking the Ducks were bad. Maybe they are still bad and we just had a crappy defensive game? Who knows. Like Craig said – we won, and that’s all that matters.
This team isn’t going to win a lot of 2-1 games, but score at least 5 goals in four of their first five games means run and gun is back baby. Koskinen and Smith may not be Moog and Fuhr, but if they can stop the puck a few times, the offence will bail them out more times than not.
Also, I have to point out that Craig did not refer to Ducks Captain Ryan Getzlaf as the Big Bald Idiot as he has for the past several years.
Get it together, dude. We have loyal readers.
Craig Douglas
Oilers 5
Coyotes 1
I can’t believe that I forgot about Phil “The Thrill” Kessel last week when I did my damndest to try and think of anyone who was playing for the 2021-22 Arizona Coyotes. They should be forced to trade him away from their sub standard so called NHL team so that we can all enjoy him again. Anyways, the Coyotes are not a real team so it would be weird if I spent much time writing about the Oil predictably defeating them. Shout out to The King Of Hockey for potting his 200th career goal in this one though!
Brent Oliver
McDavid scores number 200, Koskinen didn’t let in the first shot and Nuge and Hyman picked up points and played great. And holy shit is Craig ever right – the Coyotes are bad. Maybe when they move to Quebec City next year and ditch those awful uniforms they can start to rebuild better in la belle province.
(note to Mike, our non-sports watching editor – The Coyotes moved to Phoenix from Winnipeg in 1996 and broke everyone’s hearts. They’ve been in 4 different arenas in 25 years and this one is kicking them out at the end of the season. We’re all hoping Quebec City will get the team since they used to have a team called the Quebec Nordiques that moved to Colorado and broke even more hearts since they won the Cup there right after they moved. Conclusion – NHL franchises are dumb.)
Craig Douglas
Oilers 5
Golden Knights 3
The big game against the “Golden” Knights, and how did our Oilers respond? With some sweet fucking resilience! The guys answered every Vegas goal with one of their own within minutes, just saying “oh yeah? Well fuck you” each time that the dumb Nevada team tried to gather some momentum. Every time Vegas scored, a guy named Zach or Zack would just fire right back with an “oh yeah? Well fuck you” here’s a goal for you, ya pricks. It was a joy to watch. It wasn’t the smoothest game, what with the slow start and the desperate finish, but the fact is that they gave themselves every chance to capture the W by constantly battling back and giving Vegas little to no momentum. I’ll reluctantly admit that Vegas isn’t a bad team and that they’re even better when they aren’t riddled with injuries, but the Oil passed their first real test of the season and kept that shiny fucking win streak alive. Here’s to another 5!
Also, I’ve decided to watch the opponents feed whenever available this season, just for a different perspective (and to avoid Principe and his fucking puns), but also to see whether the other announcers are properly awed by Connor “The King Of Hockey” McDavid, and not just jealous and spiteful when faced with how great he is. The Vegas announcers were definitely aware and amazed by just how great McD is, but holy hell was it annoying hearing them refer to their team as ‘Vee Gee Kay’ over and over again. It sounded like they kept bringing up BTK every time they said it. At first when they said VGK in the pre game I thought they were referencing a nickname for one of the teams lines, like when Pittsburgh had the HBK line a few years ago. Maybe it was Marchessault, Karlsson, and some dude with a B surname, and I thought that’s in pretty poor taste, to nickname a line after a disgusting serial killer, then I realized that they were just calling their dumb team Vee Gee Kay again and again. Guys, stop doing that, it’s fucking stupid to begin with and it really, really sounds like you’re saying BTK every time you do it.
Brent Oliver
This is the first game of the year that I had to watch on recap online since my band was busy playing a show in Craig’s homeland of Fort Saskatchewan. As Craig said, it’s nice to see the Oilers have an answer for everything. Maybe it was the five minute recap, but every time Vegas scored, the Oilers answered. It’s encouraging to feel optimistic about a team that can actually do that, and not fold like a fucking sheet like the many teams of the Oilers past.
Speaking of Vegas, there’s been some video circulation online of the Oilers at a club after the game. McDavid having a drink, Leon in a ridiculous Pharrel hat and Nurse giving them a big hug. While it’s nice to see the team bonding – don’t fucking do this. Don’t creepily film hockey players in a club from your booth. It’s kinda weird and gross. Stop it.
The Connor McDavid Player Of The Week Award
The second CMPOTWA of the 2021-22 season goes to … Zach Hyman??!? Yessssssss, it does.
Power play goals! Shorthanded goals! Assists! This dude can do it all! The Leafs were fools to land this guy in a trade for fucking Greg McKegg and then let him walk for nothing five seasons later. And walk he did, straight into the hearts of Oiler fans where he will stay forever.
Predicsh
10/27 vs Philadelphia – Philadelphia is a hell of a city, but I’m not sure that this is a hell of a team. They’re kind of a lot like the Philadelphia Phillies of the last ten years – never good enough to go on a run and never bad enough to bottom out and get some picks to play with. Maybe they’re the NHL’s new version of the Minnesota Wild, stuck in the middle and kinda fucking bland. For those reasons and more:
Final score: Oilers 3 Flyers 1
10/30 @ Vancouver – Delusional Canucks fans seem to think their team is good? Uhhhhh, they’re not. In their last four games they’ve beaten a mess of a team (Chicago) and a baby team (Seattle) and they’ve also lost to the fucking Red Wings and the Sabres. Please accept that your team is not good. A beating from the Oil might help them to understand.
Final score: Oilers 5 Canucks 2
11/01 vs Seattle – The Oil get their first crack at the Kraken, and it goes how you might expect.
Final score: Oilers 6 Kraken 3
Three games this week against the Flyers at home (are they good?), the Canucks on the road (fuck you!) and Seattle (awww look they still have that new team smell) as the Oilers try to keep their winning streak alive and top spot in the NHL. We here at GigCity are a little worried that Craig and Brent could let this new found optimism and joy may go to Brent and Craig’s heads, pulling down the curse count of each article. We’ve told them to fucking get it the fuck together.
See you next time – In the Box.
